Theory of Mind Quiz:
How Well Do We Interpret People’s Responses?
Instructions: For each situation, choose the response that best reflects how you would typically think or react.
1. You’re at a community gathering laughing loudly and telling stories with a lot of energy. You notice a quieter couple looking uncomfortable.
A) They can’t handle real joy or expression.
B) They might come from a different background or just be having a low-energy day. I can check in with them about how they are finding the party.
C) Some people are so uptight.
2. You’re at a family wedding, fully lost in the music and pulling your partner onto the dance floor. They look stiff and hesitant.
A) They’re so uptight and ruining my joy.
B) They might be feeling self-conscious or just not in the dancing mood. I could ask how they’re feeling about dancing.
C) They never want to do things that bring me alive.
3. You come home from work quiet and go straight to your room. A family member asks, “What’s wrong?” They sound irritated.
A) They should just know I’m having a bad day.
B) They don’t know what kind of day I’ve had. Maybe I can tell them if there’s something wrong or if I’m just wanting some alone time.
C) They’re so insensitive.
4. You’re excitedly telling a friend about a new song you love. They seem distracted and quickly change the subject.
A) They don’t care about what matters to me.
B) They might not be in the mood for music talk right now. I could ask if they feel like talking about music or something else.
C) People never really listen when I share things.
5. You’re at the park showing someone a cool new move you just figured out with a soccer ball. They look bored and uninterested.
A) They’re being rude and ungrateful.
B) They might be tired or just not into it right now. I could ask if they want to do something else or if they want to show me a trick they know.
C) People have no attention span these days.
6. You’re a passionate home cook, really proud of a complex new recipe you spent hours making. You serve it to your partner and they eat quietly without much reaction.
A) They don’t appreciate the effort I put in.
B) They might be tired, not that hungry, or just not in the mood to talk about food. I can choose to ask about how their day went. I can also choose to talk about how much I enjoyed making the meal and that I hope they enjoy it.
C) They never notice the things I care about.
7. You just got some disappointing news and are feeling down. Your roommate bounces in cheerfully and asks “What’s up?”
A) They’re so clueless and insensitive.
B) They don’t know what happened. Their cheerfulness might be their normal way of connecting. I choose not to pretend to be happy, while not holding their exuberance against them.
C) Some people have zero emotional awareness.
8. You’re passionately talking about something you’re really into. The other person seems bored or distracted.
A) They have no interest in me or my life.
B) They might be distracted by their own stuff or just not into this topic. I could ask if they want to talk about something else.
C) People these days are so self-absorbed.
Scoring
Mostly A’s: You might over interpret other people’s behaviour as them not caring about you or your feelings, even when it’s just a misunderstanding.
Mostly B’s: If you have a lot of “B” type responses, you probably have pretty good theory of mind and more fluid in your interactions. You balance awareness of your own feelings with curiosity about others. You’re more willing to ask and give feedback when you find there’s a misconnect.
Mostly C’s: This might suggest a tendency to be critical of others and their character or habits. Watch quick generalizations about “people these days”!
Please note: I also find myself working to be more a B person. No judgements from me if you or anyone slips into A or C type responses, sometimes. Good theory of mind is a lot harder than making snap judgments about ourselves or others. It takes time and practice. Be gentle with yourself!