The Coffee Table of Dialogue

 

Question:

How many different reasons can you think of to talk with someone?

We talk to,...

1. Communicate information:  "The knee bone is connected to the leg bone."

2. Ask questions: "Which of those is the tibia?"

3. Get help: "Do you know the way to San Jose?"

4. Help: "Follow I-94 W and I-90 W to Bozeman. Take exit 309 from I-90 W." 

5. Command or Instruct: "Use only an HB pencil."

5. Joke, Play, or Goof off: "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?"

6. Express emotion:  "Boy, those Jets." 

What others did you think of?  

 

What is the same? What is different? 

We often presume communication to be practical. The list above refers mostly to language that helps us get things done or influence a situation (even if only to make someone laugh). 

And if that was all language was, it would still be wonderful. 

However, we also converse for an entirely other purpose. We talk to grow together, to make new together, to get places together we'd never get to alone. 

Reminding my son to do his homework is a good thing. As are all of the other practical conversations I have in a day. However, when my wife or son and I step outside of "maintenance mode" and enjoy one each other's company, life gets a bit fuller, brighter. More deeply human. 

 

A Rather Silly Example...

Here's a dialogue demonstrating what I'm talking about above. It is not fancy and it's not particularly intelligent. But it has a few features that are worth bringing into our day-to-day conversations. Firstly, both Claire and Mark contribute to the discussion. They are honest. They are themselves. They address things that don't work. They are (mostly) non-reactive. Mark is humble and goofy. Claire is a little more cutting and more of an ideas person. They riff off of each other and make each other's day better. You can imagine that when they look at the bill at Sobeys, the horror they experience will be a little easier to bear because they have each other. 

 

Maintenance Mode, Off

 

The scene: Mark and Claire are on their way to the grocery store. Claire is behind the wheel. 

CLAIRE: I feel like we're stuck in maintenance mode.

MARK: Yeah, me too. Like we're not having any fun. All we talk about are kids sports and grocery bills.

CLAIRE: And I don't want to watch any more TV.

MARK: Everything on TV is such a bummer.

CLAIRE: Jets won't be in the playoffs.

MARK: Yeah. The Jets.

CLAIRE: And the Blue Jays.

MARK: Don't get me started.

[Awkward silence.]

CLAIRE: K. You know what I think is kind of funny?

MARK: My driving.

CLAIRE: No. Your driving is irritating. But, sure, if I could change one thing about driving...

MARK: Potholes? More potholes?

CLAIRE: Yes. More potholes. Seriously, it'd be nice if you didn't cut me off.

MARK: Sorry.

CLAIRE: Besides, I think we've hit maximum pothole. Could we possibly have any more potholes? (Hits a pothole.) ... But back to talking about the thing I was talking about. I think I'll plan my driving playlists better. I'm going to start getting my music ready before getting in the car. Music makes the ride more fun. 

MARK: More Backstreet Boys, less yelling at other drivers.

CLAIRE: Yup. 

MARK: Music is good. You know what I like? I find I'm much less grouchy when we have good conversations.

CLAIRE: Me too, except when you cut me off to make dumb jokes.

MARK: You like my jokes. It's why you married me.

CLAIRE: I married you because you are very good looking. 

MARK: (Blushes.) And because I let you drive.

CLAIRE: Well, it's just best that way for everyone.

MARK: They keep telling me "Sidewalks are for pedestrians." 

[She laughs.]

CLAIRE: I like conversations like this. Gets me out of worrying about how much groceries cost these days.

MARK: And the Jets.

CLAIRE: Don't get me started.

____

Notes:
a) The comic was by AI with text by me. Not sure why AI couldn't get my logo right.
b) The Coffee Table of Dialogue essay and script was by me. No AI in my writing. Though, I suppose that's fairly obvious! 
c) The therapist / lightbulb joke? I have no idea who came up with that one, but it's a classic.