“Compassion is a verb.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Compassion is the most important virtue; it is the outgrowth of Grace and the precursor to Love. It is impossible to kill someone with Compassion and Compassion cannot put you in the poor house. Compassion, I assure you, will never leave your heart broken. This is why there are few songs about Compassion and few True Compassion podcasts. No one ever lay in bed, furiously trying to out Compassion someone in an argument. There is nothing to fear in Compassion, but much to fear in its absence. So we often imagine its absence even in its presence.
Compassion, like a Cradle, is portable, always warm, and fits right around us when we are feeling frail, weak, or small. It is also a lovely place to look up at the great, big, beautiful world from. Sadly, just as we may forget the Cradle (or the hug) that kept us warm, we often forget or fail to notice the Compassion that has held us and told us, “You are in my heart.”
Because Compassion is so fundamental to our very humanity, and the core of the goodness we experience and share with others, it seems counterintuitive to think of Compassion as a tool. You can hammer out an agreement, but you can’t hammer out a broken heart. I’ve seen people try — it’s unpleasant. Nevertheless, Compassion, like a tool, is readily available to us. Though it might feel easier to go to Ikea and buy a cradle than to muster Compassion for your sister-in-law who didn’t come to your baby shower, if you learn how to feel Compassion, you will be a lot happier. And the good news is, you can feel Compassion for someone and NOT forgive them. Forgiveness is a choice and, like Grace, must be freely given. So let’s not impede Compassion by demanding anything in addition to simply being Compassionate.
Remember: even if you are mad at the baby for waking you up and peeing on you, ultimately you wish it well. Same goes, I hope, for all the people in your life.
This is the thing about Compassion: We grow it in the good moments so we can share it in the bad.
The Cradle of Compassion Manual and User Guide
Like all good tools, Compassion is useless if we don’t know how to use it. And, like all tools, Compassion gets easier the more we practice. It’s one of those things that builds on itself: we learn to hold it better, to balance it, to reach for it without thinking.
So here’s how to practice Compassion — and how to get better at using it.
Step 1: Notice
Start by simply noticing Compassion when it shows up. It’s often quieter than our anger, our pride, or our defensiveness. Notice it in yourself and in others. That warm pull in your chest, that softening of the face, that little thought that says, “They’re doing their best.” That’s Compassion knocking.
Step 2: Hold It
Once you notice it, try to hold Compassion for a few seconds longer than feels natural. Let it sit in you, even when your mind rushes to judgment or your ego to defense. This takes practice, but like all tools, it strengthens with use.
Step 3: Extend It
After you’ve held Compassion, see if you can extend it outward — to someone who may not seem to deserve it. You don’t have to excuse behavior to offer Compassion. You just have to remember that people’s actions often come from their pain.
Step 4: Receive It
Finally, let yourself receive Compassion. This might be the hardest step. We can’t give what we don’t have, and we can’t grow what we won’t accept. Let others cradle you too, even when it feels uncomfortable. It’s not weakness — it’s human.
A Way to Be Present
Compassion, like any tool, becomes more natural the more we use it. It may not fix everything, but it gives us a way to be present with what’s broken — and sometimes, that’s enough.